Goodbye Colorado Springs, Hello 9/11!!!

Thank you so much Colorado Springs! Wow, that was such a spectacular event on Saturday. John and I had a super time antagonizing the other candidates and scaring the bejeezus out of you with the specter of terrorism! It’s so great that so many people are still afraid for their lives these days, especially in locations where the threat of terrorism is as remote as it is in Colorado Springs. John and I appreciate any fear you can spread throughout the conservative base for us.

This week is also going to be just spectacular: I am studying endlessly because I have lined up an interview with ABC very soon. And I can’t believe it’s already 9/11 week again! If things work out perfectly, I can invoke memories of 9/11 a dozen times in that interview, and it will be broadcast that night. I get goosebumps thinking about how many people will remember to vote Republican because of this little project alone!

Love,
Sarah

PS – Nine Eleven!

A Real Economic Plan

By now you’ve heard the story about I sold Alaska’s ex-governor’s airplane on eBay — at a profit. When we discussed it last week, I told Steve that the story wouldn’t fool anyone into voting for us, primarily because it was all a big fib. He said that’s never stopped them before and had it put into John’s intro anyway and my goodness has it ever got people excited! So sorry for doubting you, Steve!

On a related topic: I think the citizens of this great nation of America sense we are nearing a comprehensive economic solution to our present circumstance, and they would be right. This could very well signal the end of our economic woes: people having problems with their bills should just sell their excess personal aircraft on eBay. This isn’t rocket science, folks; and I’m a little disappointed no one has thought of it before. America, you are welcome.

Dear Liberal, Elitist Media

You are all a bunch of jerks, and so I will not be answering any of your questions for a long, long time. I was as surprised as you were by this Vice Presidential nomination, and frankly I am in a little over my head right now. You know it, I know it, so let’s have a truce for a couple weeks until John and Steve bring me up to speed on how to deal with you conniving, evil, Godless heathens.

Awww, thanks Wasilla!

 

Well-wishers from Wasilla! Credit: bandofthebes.com

 

I love you, too!